There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
