Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
