You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
