Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
