I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
you're hired as official boob wrangler
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
