I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
