I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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