Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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