This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
