Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
