too bad you live with your parents still
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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