At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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