I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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