areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
