you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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