How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
