I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You should frame my arrest warrant.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
