thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
