i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
