i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
