i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
