my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
