Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
