i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
