I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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