I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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