So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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