I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
party gras won. party gras always wins.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
