i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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