im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
