Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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