Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
