My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
