Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
