Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
