We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
