i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
