cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
