The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
