Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
