i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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