I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
