Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
