I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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