just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
