He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
