That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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