Your dad touched me again.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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