I want to stick my p in your. b.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
