Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
