nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
