she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
