This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
