Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
