i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
