I think im going to throw up on grandma
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
