The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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