i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
barbara walters just said penis...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
