Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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