But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
